Recommended Daily Value

I’ve known this woman for over 25 years now and only recently come to appreciate her self-proclaimed expertise on mineral and vitamin intake. Her knowledge has transformed the way she views life: things are no longer referred to the names used by most English-speaking people. You know…common words in our dictionary. No, she refers to them by their nutrition value. A hamburger is instead a Protein. The warm sun is now a Vitamin-E emitter. The toy your child is playing with is a Lead or Aluminum. And so the enjoyment I once had in eating delicious foods, being outdoors, or just living life is gone and in its place a strange newfound relationship between me and the ever-encroaching world.

Dear mom,

I peeled a bright yellow Potassium this morning for breakfast and a navel Vitamin C to help fight my cold. (do you remember my coach feeding me Potassiums when my legs were cramping in games?) With no time for a hardboiled Protein (lightly Sodiumed), I had to grab and go. However, I did have a Whole Wheat Flax Protein sandwich for lunch today with a glass of cold Vitamin D. D for Delicious. I wish you could’ve accompanied me in my walk at the park at lunchtime. The Vitamin E was uninhibited by clouds…gorgeous day! You would’ve loved it. It helped to exercise before as I had a huge plate of Tuscany Carbohydrate at Olive Garden. Don’t worry…I ate a plateful of fresh Roughage beforehand. It is late–11pm–and I’m heading to bed for a good night’s Replenish Refresh Revive. Talk to you tomorrow.

xoxo,

Your Favorite Child