Me Too: Not Enough

5 09 2014

you-are-enoughPart 2 in the Me Too series

“The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.” Dr. Brené Brown

 

Just a few days ago, I attempted the unthinkable. I bared my soul for the world to see. Upon clicking “Publish” I immediately burst into frantic tears at the thought of being exposed and shortly thereafter graduated to a nosebleed. Classy. If that doesn’t tell you how unaccustomed to vulnerability I am, I don’t know what will.

 

The response to my first blog, “Me Too: A single, Christian woman bears all,” was humbling and eye-opening. I saw women, men, single people, and married people relate. I saw people around the world inspired. And it made me realize two things: there is an immense lack of raw openness we share with each other and there is an overcoming power that realness lends to one another. A very close friend worded my newfound victory in this struggle perfectly: “What you used to view as weakness (being transparent and vulnerable) has become the strongest weapon in your arsenal against the enemy. Your act of stepping out and declaring your testimony is the epicenter of overcoming in your life. And just like an earthquake, you are now watching the shock waves go out and defeat him over and over across the world.” What happens when we speak out our testimony, our story, beautifully stained by the blood of Jesus? What happens when we choose to court Truth instead of residing with Lies? We overcome (Revelation 12:11).

 

There are many lies that I am finally beginning to reject in my own life. Thirty-two years of protecting these villains and I am just now becoming brave enough to say, “No more!”

 

“You’re unworthy.”

“You’re not good enough.”

“You’re not smart enough.”

“You’re not educated enough.”

“Life doesn’t really count until you’re married.”

“You’re not attractive enough.”

“No one will listen to you.”

“You’re uninspiring.”

“You’re too shallow.”

“You’ve been passed over.”

“You should have known better.”

“Those walls will never come down.”

“Just face it, you’ll always struggle with that.”

“Your blatant sin disqualifies you from ever being used by God.”

“You’ll get hurt again if you put yourself out there.”

“You’re not equipped enough to do that.”

“You don’t fit into the social norms.”

“You’re just not worth it.”

“You’re forgotten.”

I’ve given these lies enough stage time. I even watched my beautiful mom live much of her life in the debilitating and fear-inducing grip of many of these lies as well. It is about time I ended their reign in my lineage. Enough is enough.

. . . . .

Sharing a piece of my story with the world has done wonders for me. It has unlocked a cage I climbed into years and years ago. There is power in exposing the shadows and giving way to the light. But a blog here and there is not the key to my freedom. A few “likes” or “shares” or encouraging pats on the back from friends is not the key to my freedom. It is not enough. No matter how much of my life I share with the world, no matter how many masks I pull off, I will find it ultimately and eternally ineffectual without the blood of Jesus coursing through my words, actions, and life. The lies I have battled, the rejection I have sheltered, and the loneliness I have felt will all remain unless the love of Christ is embraced. And oh how I am embracing that profound love! Nothing, absolutely nothing, is as satisfying and healing.

 

“As we allow ourselves to experience our own pain, we can know that what we feel is Christ suffering in us and redeeming us. Rather than condemning ourselves for our weakness and making self-conscious efforts to try harder, we can allow the Crucified to love us in our brokenness. There is no way of healing from the wounds each of us carries except through the love of Jesus that forgives seventy times seven and keeps no score of our wrongdoings.” From Brennan Manning’s The Signature of Jesus

 

I could serve a life sentence in the prison of lies. I could waste years beating myself up for every sinful and filthy trench I have made camp in. I could cower in the corner of condemnation and live a minimalistic Christian life, suffocating the power of the cross. I could tremble at my inability. Or I could cling to that cross and look into the eyes that wash, transform, and embolden me. In myself, I am weak, messy, untrained, and feeble. But take that same brittle soul and leave it and its weaknesses in the hands of an all-powerful and all-giving God, and hear her proclaim, “I am enough!”

 

You are enough not because you have stressed and strained, worked and trained.

You are enough simply because Jesus is enough.

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